Part 1/3 of 99 short stories of my life

1/3


When I first started drinking it was always a social thing. I looked at it like this: I knew who the cool guys were in school, at parties, around town, they weren't the guys using "drugs". At this point when I say drugs it's really only marijuana, obviously I knew of the harder shit, but it wasn't really around, and if it was then it wasn't talked about....out of sight out of mind.  Potheads" as I called them, well, actually I still do, were just what you'd expect....parents who were either too busy to notice, too fucked up to care, or had their own heads so far up their collective superior asses that "they KNOW what druggies look like" and "their" kid isn't one of "THEM". Well, Guess What Parents, Teachers, Coaches, Guys, Girls, Aunts, Uncle's and whoever else is out there reading this??? DRUG ADDICTION + ALCOHOLISM is as tried and true as death and taxes.....it's the 3rd constant that will forever inhabit this earth. It doesn't discriminate. White, Black, Green, Women, Man, Christian, Islamic, Vegetarian, or even a god damn homosexual. You don't have to be poor, live in a bad neighborhood, have bad friends, have bad parents, be sexually abused, be picked on, OR ANYTHING ELSE! IN FACT, YOU CAN HAVE A FUCKING DAMN NEAR PERFECT FUCKING UPBRINGING, AND 1 STUPID, HORRIBLE, REGRETTABLE, AWFUL, PAINFUL, MISTAKE can completely change the entire course of your life. AND....the lives of EVERYONE around you. EverySinglePerson who gives a shit whether you take another breath is hurting the whole time your abusing. Do you know why I said abusing instead of using? It was intentional. It was very very intentional. It's very very important and completely different. Your not going to hear this from your doctor, Councilor, sponsor or parents. I'm ONLY saying this because I want to be EXTREMELY AND COMPLETELY CLEAR ABOUT 1 THING IN REGARDS TO MY WRITINGS HERE. Im HONEST. Sometimes to a fault. But I'm NOT EVER going to lie to anyone EVER AGAIN. I've moved past that. It took a lot of work to get to where I am. I worked. My girlfriend worked. My family worked. Eventually. My girlfriend has been many things throughout my life, here's just a small sample: sounding board, friend, lover, object of anger, object of sex, victim of my habits(gambling, drinking, cocaine, percocet, Oxycontin, heroine) faced homelessness, job loss, many many nights of sleep lost, nearly $50,000 lost trying to keep me still moving and hundreds of other things i'll talk about throughout. I have had 1 person that has NEVER EVER EVER let me forget that I have someone in my corner. no matter what. Whether it's a parent, sibling, cousin, friend, or damn pen pal, it takes A LOT. AND I MEAN FOR REAL, A LOT to truly get free from drugs and alcohol. Let someone have your back. Your going to look back and really appreciate it someday. I PROMISE. 


To be continued.....

Part 1- I used Sports, Alcohol, Sex and Drugs to hide it

Whether your 10, 20, 50 or 100 if your violated sexually it's going to effect different people different ways and for some their life changes course so sharply that they are never able to regain control. Sometimes it's reported but the stigma attached to be a "victim" can follow you around forever. You may think you can just put it out of your mind, no one even needs to know about it, you'll just be more careful and avoid where it happened. You feel embarassed anyways, why couldn't you just stop it from happening? Your obviously weak, what kind of idiot let's that kind of stuff happen to them, well, I def can't tell anyone cause then I probably couldn't even get a job in this area, I love it here and if this gets out every business will know how weak I am mentally and then forget about anything physical.

At first it's nothing THAT serious, little acting out but you do well enough in school that your parents don't really notice anything, plus with all of the sports that come with practice's nearly everyday you don't really have time to think about any of that. Start talking to a few of the "bad" kids at school, that kind of stuff could never happen to them, there way too tough, maybe you should just be more like them? In your head you know that's not you, whether it's because you want someone to see you smoking a cigarette and your acting out or it's just a diversion I grew out of it pretty quick.


Next up was my best friend and evolved into someone that was so important to me throughout high school and college years that rarely did I go more then 12-18 hours without seeing them and we NEVER used protection.....I blacked out literally more times then I didn't and by the time I was asked about looking at my liver by the doctor I was told that I've aged my liver over 20 beyond my actual age. I still to this day don't like beer and I never did, started with vodka because it was the cheapest half gallon, 7.99 for a Zarkoff 1.75 liter bottle. That was about 16ish and continued until around 25. I've been through more moments where I should have died then I care to say, more then 5 different occasions that either a paramedic or doctor told me there is no way I should have made it....I'm not saying this to brag and I'm not proud of it by any means, at least not now.  I grew up doing my best to show I was the worst, I felt bad for myself and I let that control a lot more then I should have but it took those 10 years plus a few more to relize that.


ESPN commentator Rick Reilly on what was Penn State....

I eventually ended up in the hospital with alchohol poisoning and that was the last date I had with Vodka, we fought too much with each other and somehow when we were together I always ended up angry, yelling, drunk, and telling someone what I bitch I thought they were and if they stepped on my "Timb's" again I was giong to kill them....immature drunks guys, much much to much to drink to realize we were probably yelling over nothing 9/10, showing off to girls, and looked pretty stupid. Oh and for the record if you don't know, Timb's are Timberland boots. Just one of those random things that can happen when you get 150 drunk kids all in a room with girls, alcohol, beer pong which breeds competition, and obviously no "real" adults around for miles, haha.

Next up was Hot Damn, then Peppermintschnapps, then Goldschlagger, then it was Bacardi rum for the next probably 3-4 years before I switched to Crown Royal and then back to Bacardi and lastly attempted White Russian's but ended up abandoning that whore because she did not like me anymore and I ended up running to the bathroom and massacring that place floor to ceiling....not good, lol.....so I ended up finding a nice relaxing mix of Kahlua/Bailey's+Milk


Be ready for Part 2 this coming week.....